For the first time, I did my progesterone shot by myself. It’s an im shot, in the butt, so usually hubby does it. But I was mad at him and didn’t want to give him opportunity to get back at me with a 1 1/2 inch needle. I’m the kind of gal who needs emotional support during this IVF thing, and for the most part, hubby has missed the boat. Oh, he’ll do the vacuuming when doc says I’m not supposed to. But what I really yearn for is for him to ask me how things are, what I’m feeling. I want him to be like a girlfriend. I know it doesn’t seem fair, but it’s a temporary thing, just for one more week. I’ve even suggested key phrases to say to suggest warmth and caring. It’s just not in him, and that hurts me dearly. If I can watch European Auto Racing with him, can’t he say something sort of warm? Sort of caring? Perhaps I should print him out a phrase book.

It’s a delicate balance between being helpful and bossy and domineering, a balance I’m normally ok with. This IVF stuff has fucked with my emotions, my body, my finances, and my marriage. I like to be in control and this is one situation where I just can’t be. But now that I’ve discovered that I can do my own PIO (progesterone in oil) shot I feel better. Hubby feels worse, I think, because he likes to be needed. I do need him, but emotionally. Not to give me the shot.

Eldest child is still hacking up a lung with that cold. Younger is becoming a talker. He’s six, but up until a few days ago he was pretty quiet. Now I can’t seem to get him to close his trap. I’m not used to it, and it’s sort of unnerving having him follow me around talking constantly. DH asked if I had told him to be quiet. That sounds mean. He’s just six! Eldest was always the talker, always demanding attention. Now Younger is getting into it. I’m not thrilled. I liked my mornings of reading the paper, cleaning the house, cooking, in relative silence. I always make time with Younger to play a game or two before Kindergarden, but now there is so much constant chatter that any game takes forever. We played Candyland today. I hate that game because it is so long, but with Younger talking and not moving his piece, I almost resorted to cheating just to get the game to end. Almost. I’d never hear the end of it if I did, and then no more chance of stepmother of the year award I’ve been eyeing.

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