Oh s&*(! I did an hpt and got a faint line last night. Then I did another one today and got another faint line. Could it be that I’m actually pregnant? It could be leftover hcg from my shot, but that was almost two weeks ago. Or it could end up as a chemical pregnancy. Or it could be etopic. I don’t want to get my hopes up, but they are! I want to think about names and nursery themes and such. I want to believe that the one thing I want most in the word is starting to come true. I know that the higher I get, the more it will hurt if I fall, but I need this! I need to know that my body is capable of supporting a life. I love my stepsons but I want to be a mom, a real mom.

Infertility is hard. Dh and I haven’t had the rough road that many have. We didn’t struggle for years not knowing what was wrong. We knew the problem was dh’s sperm, from his vasectomy reversal. We didn’t do IUIs. We went straight to IVF. This is my first round, and I’ve struggled to keep my expectations low. There is less than a 50% chance I will have a child at the end of this. But I have a second line! I faint beautiful pink second line. I also  bought three more tests because I’ll be testing every day now. All I want is a child, a healthy child to love and hold and teach and guide. I want to be a mommy.

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